Wednesday, November 4, 2015

It Pains me to say...

Today I am a failure as a mother.  I look at her, finally quiet for 2 minutes and I'm still seething with rage.  The constant crying because she wants something she can't have. Or because she can't reach something she can have because she threw it too far. Or worse, crying just because.  

Today I want to walk away from being a mom.  I know how horrible that sounds.  I lose the best part of my daughters day because I have a job. So instead of playing with her and teaching her things and watching her grow, someone else gets to spend their day with her while I work to pay them to do-so.  I'm sick of only getting her crankiness. I see more of that then I do happiness and I'm over it.  This isn't what it's supposed to be like, is it?  I can hear the crowds now... 'Pick her up and cuddle her if she's crying!' Let me just tell all of you...kiss my ass! This girl doesn't cuddle unless she's already asleep.  When she is upset, the last thing she wants is you pulling her close. That just makes the crying louder.  So spare me the good parenting antics because you don't know my kid.  I'm as sick of other people's judgement as I am of her tears right now.

I'm already shaking my head because I know in 2 hours I'll have calmed down, and I'll regret showing how weak I was.  That's two hours from now, though, and right now, I'm full of piss and vinegar.  Watch out world, you've got an overwhelmed momma on your hands.

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